it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
