you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
