I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
