It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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