I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
