so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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