areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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