it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
