ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
