i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
