Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
