What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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