Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
