I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
