Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bring me that man meat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
