Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
