kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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