I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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