if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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