What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I could fuck to npr.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
