I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
