I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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