Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
