i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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