literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
