thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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