Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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