yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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