I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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