My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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