The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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