dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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