she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
