I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I touched a dick in church today
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
