i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
