life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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