i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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