Farmville is her only friend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
