OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Farmville is her only friend.
worst night to have a conscience
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
