Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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