but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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