who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
