All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
