Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
