i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
