So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
