He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
