Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
