apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
