Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
